[00:14.23]I can't get the image out of my head
[00:27.17]Of when I held you right there
[00:34.31]And watched you die
[00:42.65]Upstairs in the back bedroom of our house
[00:48.43]Where we have lived for many years
[00:56.19]Your last gasping breaths
[01:02.62]I see it again and again
[01:09.67]As the breeze blew in
[01:23.82]The room I still don't go in at night
[01:31.49]Because I see you
[01:38.45]Your transformed, dying face will recede with time
[01:44.86]Is what our counselor said
[01:51.87]Who we walked to every Monday holding hands
[01:59.04]Slower every week with your breathing
[02:06.03]Until we had to drive
[02:13.80]But then only two months after you died
[02:21.12]Our counselor died
[02:27.25]All at once, her empty office with no light on
[02:34.33]As if her work was done
[02:48.41]We are all always so close to not existing at all
[03:02.27]Except in the confusion of our survived-bys grasping at the echoes
[03:16.60]Today our daughter asked me if mama swims
[03:30.30]I told her, "Yes, she does
[03:37.04]And that's probably all she does
[03:41.70]Now."
[03:45.42]What was you is now borne across waves
[03:55.95]Evaporating